A Problem for St Peter

A Problem for St Peter

*On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a
fatal car accident.**

The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St.
Peter to process them into Heaven.*
 * While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in
Heaven?**

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let
me go find out,' and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are
still waiting. *
 *As they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in
Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. *
 *'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered, 'Are we stuck together forever?'

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
bedraggled.

'Yes,' he informs the  couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't
work out? *

*Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced , slammed his clipboard onto the ground.

'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest
up here! *

*Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a Lawyer?!'*

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High-tech meteorology

It was April and the local indigenous tribe in a remote part of Northern
Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or
mild.

Since he was an elder in a modern community, he had never been taught the
old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was
going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was
indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect
firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea.

He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of
Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite
cold.'

So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood
in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look
like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every
scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure
that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked.
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going
to be one of the coldest winters ever.'

'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked.

The weatherman replied,
'Our satellites have reported that the local indigenous tribe in the north
are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign'

------------------------------

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A history lesson

� � Railroad tracks. The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. �� Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England , and English expatriates designed the US railroads. �� Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. �� Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. �� Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts. �� So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since. �� And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever. �� So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?' , you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.)� Now, the twist to the story: � When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah� The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds. �� So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything... and CURRENT Horses Asses in Washington are controlling everything else� �

 

 

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Anniversaire.pps (102 KB)

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Women as explained by engineers................

WOMEN AS EXPLAINED BY ENGINEERS Part IV Part V And Finally! Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works? Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration: B Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved. A man has only 2 balls and they take up all his thoughts. Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor.

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65 après

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_Hiroshima Détroit.pps (3120 KB)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: johanna reyes <johanna_reyes@hotmail.com>
Date: 29 August 2010 09:41
Subject: FW: 65 après
To: Sam Molander <sigalon@gmail.com>

---

From: j.reyes@lombardodier.com
To: johanna_reyes@hotmail.com
Subject: 65 après
Date: Thu, 19 Aug 2010 14:52:56 +0200

 

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