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13 August 2010

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Posted via email from Sigalon - The Swedish Frog

10 August 2010

Children writing about the ocean

‘Promoting positive childhoods’

Children writing about the ocean:



1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.(Kelly, age 6)


2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3)   - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island .
      If you don't have ocean all round you, you are
       incontinent. ( Wayne , age 7)


4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth,
just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)


5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and
pots and comes back with crabs.(Millie, age 6)


7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade
winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind
didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make
the wind come. My brother said they would have been better
off eating beans.(William, age 7)


8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful
and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
Like, really? (Helen, age 6)



9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother
is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big
sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.
Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live
in caves under the sea where I think they have to
plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)


11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold,
and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)



12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.
Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down
on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when
she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again
because water fired right up her fanny. (Julie, age 7)



14)-The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown
I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)



15)-My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)

Posted via email from Sigalon - The Swedish Frog

14 July 2010

California Vs Arizona

Subject: California vs Arizona

California:

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.
A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the
Governor.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie
"Bambi" and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what
is natural.

2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and
bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating
it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills
the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for
diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game
conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is free of dangerous
animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote
awareness program" for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat
rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the
world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.
State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional
special training re: the nature of coyotes.

9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit
against the State.

Arizona:

The Governor of Arizona is jogging with her dog along a nature trail. A
Coyote jumps out and attacks her dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with her State-issued pistol and keeps
jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point
cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that's why California is broke.

Posted via email from Sigalon - The Swedish Frog

02 July 2010

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

*DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family
values.

Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

---------------------------------------------------------

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week.'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then
I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

---------------------------------------------------------

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room,
took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife
at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good*
with the kids.'

-----------------------------------------------------------

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you
will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

----------------------------------------------------------

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

** **----------------------------------------------------------

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll tak*
*e** to** **fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent
replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
**
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*
*
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of
thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even
more thunder rumbling in the distance.* *

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's
there.'*

Posted via email from Sigalon - The Swedish Frog

18 June 2010

We have arrived at the formula for understanding women

"...et en conséquence, chers étudiants, nous arrivons maintenant à la formule permettant de comprendre les femmes"

"And thus, dear students, we have arrived at the formula for understanding women".